


If Only

by Saunter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, Kuroo really doesn't deserve this, M/M, Proposals, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6946045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saunter/pseuds/Saunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ve actually had this for a long time now,” Kuroo laughs. “But I never had the guts to ask you.” His voice almost breaks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only

Tsukki. Tsukki. _Tsukki._

Kuroo smiles to himself as he clasps his cufflinks shut. He fixes his tie in the mirror, appreciating himself in this suit, the maroon red of his tie shimmering a beautiful silkiness against the charcoal grey of his dress shirt. Tsukki had told him, once, drunk against Kuroo after their first anniversary and an uncharacteristic, happy smile on his lips, that he loved maroon on Kuroo. Tsukki had a habit of running his fingers over Kuroo’s tie, yanking him down for a sloppy kiss, and sighing _‘Tetsurou…’_  into the crook of Kuroo’s neck. It drove Kuroo crazy, never thought that he would be so much more smitten two years after he first laid eyes on this grumpy, lanky blond and immediately fell in love then. He spent the next year tirelessly chasing after him, flowers in hand every time they met.

Kuroo smiles to himself as he glances out the window; it’s a perfect day. He can just imagine Tsukki shaking his head like the time Kuroo showed up on his doorstep on Christmas Day, a lame poster with the word, “Date?” scribbled across it. Tsukki had laughed, then, and Kuroo could only smile and add, “Please?” It was the best feeling when Tsukki pulled him in and kissed him.

The minute hand jumps right as Kuroo glances over at the clock. He throws his gaze out the window again before checking his pocket for the seventh time that hour. The velvet against his fingers lets him breathe in relief and he can’t help but imagine just how Tsukki would react when he sees this. Tsukki, his Tsukki, has a habit of hiding his embarrassment and Kuroo has a habit of trying to see it. The first time Tsukki did this, Kuroo had wrapped his arms around Kei’s slim waist in a sneak attack, timed right for the moment when Tsukki turned around in the kitchen. Kuroo caught him then, pulled him close and nuzzled into the crook of his chilled neck. Tsukki was fine with that, because when Kuroo hugged him tighter and said, “I love you,” he tensed and tried to get out of the grasp. Kuroo wouldn’t let him go, only cornered him further, and smirked as he looked straight into golden eyes and repeated, “I love you, Tsukki.” It was hard not to kiss him on the spot when he saw red seeping into those cheeks and ears and how those eyes widened. Kuroo laughed then, and kept repeating those words as he peppered kisses all over Tsukki, who stood frozen before he started shoving Kuroo away, telling him, “Stop--stop that!” in embarrassment.

Kuroo purses his lips in fond memory of that, and thinks about how Tsukki would try to hide his embarrassment this time, too. Kuroo won’t let him escape though, not if he can help it, because he can’t begin to fathom just how much he loves this boy who’s younger than him but likes to act as if he was older. But that’s another thing. It’s cute, when Tsukki finally comes to him after an exhausting day at work and buries himself into Kuroo’s arms to let Kuroo pamper him.

He closes the front door behind him and gets into his car. The bouquet he bought is already there, and Kuroo checks his pocket another time, pulls the little square box out, and makes sure everything is in place, again.

The drive is a longer one than he’s used to, but it’s okay. It’s okay, because he gets to see Tsukki again after a long, grueling month. He fixes his tie as he gets out the car, looks over everything, checks his pocket. He keeps his hand there, actually, because he’s scared he’ll lose this. He can’t possibly lose it now.

Kuroo’s fist clenches over the box without his knowing, as he walks closer, and closer. He can feel the nervousness tightening his chest, and he swears he didn’t use to be this emotional, because he’s biting down the on the inside of his lips right now, blinking faster as his eyes feel more watery than normal. Despite it all, he puts on his best smile when he reaches Kei.

“Hey,” he greets, thumb brushing anxiously over velvet. “I’ve missed you, Tsukki.” Kuroo chuckles, shaking his head a little. “Jesus, sorry, I thought I’d be better at this.” He takes a deep breath, not bringing his eyes back up just yet. Shit, he can feel himself shaking.

“Wait, listen, Kei,” Kuroo says. “It’s been a hard month, you know? You always complain about Bokuto, but he’s been a true bro.” Kuroo laughs lightly, because Tsukki always gave him a look when he used that word. He looks up, smiles. “He helped me out choosing this, too,” he says, before kneeling onto a knee and finally pulling out the box he’d held onto for dear life. He sets it down and opens it before the stone engraved with the name, _Tsukishima Kei_ down from top to bottom. Kuroo can’t bring himself to look up, so he stares at the ring and tries to hold onto his voice. He bites his lips, breathes in. Tries to smile. “I’ve actually had this for a long time now,” Kuroo laughs. “But I never had the guts to ask you.” His voice almost breaks.

“Fuck,” he says, hearing how his laugh shakes. His smile is nothing but wry, now. “I should’ve asked you earlier.” Kuroo lifts his head, his vision glazed over as tears fall down his cheeks. “I can’t even hear what your reply would be anymore.” His voice breaks as he tries to rub away the tears from his eyes. He tries for a smile, again. “I fucking love you, Kei.” He can’t stop the sobs from his chest anymore, and he can’t hold himself up the way he hoped he would, anymore. “Marry me. I love you. I love you so fucking much, Kei. Please.”

There’s nothing but the shuffling of the wind brushing between leaves, and the silence makes it hard to hide the hiccups of his sobs. He tries to get a grip on himself, but it’s hard. It’s hard, when Tsukki is right there, when Tsukki should’ve been right there.

“Kuroo,” a voice calls behind him.

And Kuroo wishes with his whole entity that it’s Kei, that Kei’s okay, that Kei’s behind him. He doesn’t even care if he’s made a complete fool of himself in front of him if only Kei would call his name again. So Kuroo’s scared to turn around, because he knows it won’t be true.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, and it’s hard to calm himself down.

“Kuroo, Akaashi and I will take you home after this.” Bokuto squeezes his shoulder, probably trying to ground Kuroo a little.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo calls, feeling so tired. “I love him.”

“I know.”

Kuroo glances up at his best friend, trying not to think about how he might look right now. But as he tries to speak, his composure breaks again, lips quivering and he has to bite down on them. “I loved him so much. I _love him so much._ ”

Bokuto’s eyebrows crease before he kneels down beside Kuroo and puts his arms around him. He pats Kuroo’s back gently. He doesn’t say anything, just lets Kuroo cry into his shoulder. Then, he glances at Akaashi, who nods, eyes concerned, and heads back towards the car.

**Author's Note:**

> http://saunterfics.tumblr.com


End file.
